Catching up with the Doh master
posted by JesperNielsen, April 13, 2015
  1 comment add comment
We caught up with Tigers's coach Jesper Nielsen, at his mountain retreat in Højbjerg just outside Århus.

The Doh Master, as he is affectionately known in Thisted and suburbs, was working on a new play for the Klamphugger play book.

"It is a further development of the 'Continental drift' play called 'Five sleeping pandas at mount Doh'.

I have some video displaying the basic idea. Is it running? I think it is? Yes, it is.

Of course to be effective, I would need a change of the 24 seconds rule. But that should be just a formality.

My contract with the Tigers includes handling the drafting of new players in this summers draft. So I am looking through a lot of footage.

I haven't seen anyone I really like yet. I am not comfortable drafting young players."
rimrocker, April 16, 2015
Having just been released from the fenris shackles of forumaccesspasswordforgetfulness, I should very much like to take this opportunity to "Thank you" for your playbook development update, as well as the exposé regarding some of your drafting and scouting methods, coach Jesper.

Here in Gladheim, we are therefore glad, not surprisingly, in lieu of the generous insight of the doh master, to share a few pointers concerning the premises and states of some of our own scouting methods, courtesy of our Headscout of headscouts; Dim Wittard, of the Rimrockian scouting departments in asgaard (a.k.a. the rainbow department of analtactics).

Below, follows a few excerpts from an interview recently published in the large asgaardian newsconglomerate service; ‘The Prismatic’, regarding some of the applied methods of the asgaard scouting departments in the asgaardian ministry of fantasy sports.

From 'the Prismatic', Gladheim, April 16, 2015 C.E.:

“Briefly stated, our scouting departments all face extraordinary, indeed exoordinary, challenges daily as we are forced to travel across vast regions of six-dimensional Heimian space, in order to scout the innumerable prospects participating in the infinitude of developmental leagues that our variegated prospective fantasy BB athletes participate in, on the many planets of the many universes."... "Thus the reality of our unreality is that fantasy BB is not only a Global Sport, but in fact, an infinitely universal pastime across all celestial bodies for all creeds, critters and kinds.”

Furthermore, mister Dim Wittard admits that he and his gay scouting minions "takes great pride in providing the best services possible in order to provide our fantasy coaches with the best possible new prismatic neophytes prospects before every season everywhere in the universes.”

He goes on...

“As you might imagine, we are somewhat reluctant to embrace the giving of offseasonal draft hints towards our unique Heim-theoretical methods of scouting players for our various fantasy teams."...
"Tis is particularly true in the instance of the MBA, due to the inordinately difficult task of winning the championship on planet Earth.”...
“Thus, because of the competition level in the MBA, we take no short cuts to achieve victory, as it is evident from league records in this particular league on this particular world, that it is possible partake in the MBA for literally decades between and/or before winning the ultimate prize.”...

“Hence, when we scout new players for the Rimrockers in the MBA, we utilize a modified, Wegnerian, geographic profiling approach, called continental neophyte nesting, or CNN.”...
“Put in a simplified way (and taken out of context), we survey Earth from above, identify and locate geographical areas on the six continents where remnants of particularly snug geographical fits exist, from Pangea."…
“Once a promising snug-fit-location is identified, for instance, Brazil and the countries of West Africa, we follow the trends of the main rivers from the mouth of the nearest river-delta inlands, whereby we often end up where large cities agglomerate”…
“At the these locations we often find rich pools of fantasy BB prospects, for instance Emanuel Mudiay from the upcoming 2015 draft and Bruno Caboclo and Joel Embiid from the 2014 draft, etc.”

On the success and effectiveness of the scouting departments approach, mister Dim Wittard concludes:

“Unfortunately, our methods have hitherto borne sparse fruits, and we have often found ourselves helplessly reliant upon the invisible hands and good graces of Lady Fortuna.”…
“"Butt", as we say in the analtactics department in Gladheim, we find that the success and efficacy of our methods are undeniable going in the right direction and we remain steadfastly confident in a successful future for our scouting methods.”

Back to the present and in conclusion, thanks for sharing the wisdom of the Doh Master and some of your team’s strategies, Coach Jesper – I hope we can share scouting notes at a near future occasion while viewing the upcoming NBA playoffs!

Cheers and hoots

Coach Laur of the Rimrockers